Wondering what life after baby will really be like? Here’s a sneak peek…
Your budget takes a major hit. Your expenses are up and your income is down. This could be a recipe for financial disaster.
What other parents want you to know - It could be, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re able to set aside some savings before your baby arrives, that will help to ease the financial crunch while you’re off on maternity leave or while you and/or your partner are taking parental leave. You may still have to look for other ways to trim your budget - by eliminating any frills like dinners out and borrowing baby clothes as opposed to purchasing everything brand new. The sacrifices you make will be worth it. The last thing you need is to be dealing with money stress on top of the exciting but stressful transitions of early parenthood.
Your sex life goes AWOL - at least for a while. It takes an average of eight to nine weeks for couples to start having sex again after the birth of a baby. And how could it not? Fatigue is a total libido killer.
What other parents want you to know - Be honest with your partner about how you are feeling. Let him know that this is a temporary state of affairs and that you're not rejecting him. You're simply desperately craving sleep.
Your home may be overrun with visitors after the birth. Everyone will be understandably eager to meet the new arrival, but seizing whatever opportunities for sleep come your way and getting to know your new baby need to be your top priorities right now.
What other parents want you to know - You can take control of the situation without offending all your friends and relatives. Let your voicemail system pick up phone messages when you and baby are sleeping. Post mom and baby updates on your Facebook page - and respond to messages in batches. (No one will expect you to be a social media starlet right away.) Host an open house a couple of times a week, as opposed to dealing with a non-stop stream of visitors day in and day out. Tip: Let other friends and relatives serve refreshments and load the dishwasher on your behalf while you enjoy snuggling on the couch with your baby. This is your grande debut as a family.
It’s okay to let some things go. Caring for a new baby takes up a surprising amount of time. You can’t expect to add the demands of new parenthood to your already busy schedule and carry on as per usual.
What other parents want you to know - Some tasks are important. Others can be put on the back-burner for now. And friends and family members are generally willing to pitch in if you let them know how they can help. If you don't have a lot of family in the area, consider hiring a postpartum doula to help you out for a few hours a week during the early weeks. Or use some of your baby shower money to hire a cleaning service to stay on top of bathroom cleaning and other major chores during the early weeks.
You are likely to feel more exhausted than you ever have in your life. There is tired and then there is new parent tired.
What other parents want you to know - Make sleep a priority. That means sleeping when your baby sleeps as opposed to trying to catch up on housework (see previous point!). Caring for a new baby is much more difficult if you're feeling exhausted yourself. While you’re waiting for your baby to sleep for long stretches of time and to wake a little less often in the night, focus on eating well and working physical activity into your day to boost your energy.
Your newborn won’t be a newborn for very long. The time in your life when your baby is a newborn is a very short time indeed. It will fly by more quickly than you could ever imagine.
What other parents want you to know - Remind yourself that you have what it takes to get through the early days of parenthood. And forgive yourself for being gloriously imperfect - just like every other mom and dad on the planet. You’ll be amazed how quickly you gain confidence - and competence - when it comes to this parenting thing.
Ann is the author of The Mother of All Pregnancy Books (2nd Canadian edition, 2011, John Wiley and Sons Canada) and numerous other books about pregnancy and parenting. For more information, visit www.having-a-baby.com.
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