There are a few ways to keep your little one in their own bed all night. Since every child is different and every situation is different, each family will approach this situation in a unique way.
What follows is a list of ideas for you to choose from. Pick one, two, or more that sound right for you and give them an honest try, based on your child’s needs. Keep in mind that your child is happy and would most likely be content to keep things as they are, so if you want to avoid tears, struggle, and anger from your child, don’t expect things to happen in a night or two.
Be patient and keep to your plan. How quickly you see a change depends on your child’s personality and how motivated you are to move things along. Very often, the process is erratic - your child will spend one night sleeping alone in their own bed, and then arrive in your bed for the next two nights. After that, they may not show up at your bedside for two or three nights, and soon a week will go by without a visit to your bedroom. It’s easiest to move along at this pace if you have no ‘deadline’ for keeping your child in their own bed 100 percent of the time.
The solutions
What follows are ideas that have worked for other families like yours. You can choose from these ideas or combine bits and pieces to create your unique solution. Be patient with yourself and your child as you proceed.
From bed to floor to out the door. If you don’t mind your child coming into your room during the night but would like to keep your child out of your bed, then set up a sleeping place for your child in your bedroom. This place can be as simple as a futon and blanket on the floor, to a den made out of a folding card table draped with a sheet, which houses a sleeping bag and pillow.
During the night, if they forget and climb in bed with you, just help them down to their little place and remind them that’s where they need to be. At first, it’s perfectly fine to lie beside them until they fall asleep as it will help them get used to this new routine. Over time, it will then be easier to take the next step and encourage them to stay in their bed, since they’ll be giving up only a pad on the floor, instead of your bed, for their own cozy bed.
The morning snuggle. This idea shifts your child’s visit from the midnight hours to a more acceptable early-morning time. Many parents enjoy this plan as well, since they don’t have to give up snuggling their little one entirely, but can do so after they’ve had a good night’s sleep.
The weekend promise. With this approach, begin by explaining to your child that you want them to sleep in their bed all night. Tell them that when they stay in their bed all week, they can sleep with you on the weekend or on Sunday. Post a calendar and let them adhere a star to each day that they sleep all night without waking you. Create a special design that indicates the weekend days or Sunday.
This idea works perfectly for some children who relish their weekend sleepovers in ‘the big bed.’ Others, though, find it too difficult to separate ‘yes’ nights from ‘no’ nights. If you think this suggestion may work with your little one, give it a try!
The special ‘big-kid’ bedroom. Some children can be enticed to stay in their own bedroom all night if you choose a special date for this event to occur, such as a birthday or a made-up ‘Big Kid Day.’ Leading up to this big day, you can rearrange their bedroom, buy new bed linens, decorate their walls with happy pictures or posters, put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, etc.
The rubber band bounce. This is a good idea for a family who wants to make a quick change to their middle-of-the-night routine as well as for a parent who’s willing to get out of bed repeatedly for a week or so. When you’re consistent, this plan often has excellent results in just a week or two.
Just before your bedtime routine begins, explain briefly why you want your child to stay in their own bed; for example, “When you come in my room during the night, you wake me up and then I’m grumpy.” Tell them that you want them to stay in their bed all night long. Begin the night with a pleasant, peaceful go-to-bed routine. Finish it with your child in their bed.
Any time they get up, every time they get out of bed, calmly, peacefully, and lovingly put them back to bed. Kiss them, hug them, rub their back. And if necessary, sit or lie next to them until they fall back to sleep in their own bed.
You may have to repeat this routine ten times the first few nights but, with consistency, you should see reduced night-time visits quickly. In order for this to work, you need to be calm, boring, loving, and very consistent.
Gift-wrapped motivation. My sleep survey uncovered the fact that most preschoolers can be highly motivated to make changes when offered a prize (which, I’m sure, if you have a preschooler, is no great surprise to you!).
Give your child a tiny prize any morning they stay in their bed all night. A prize can be a small plastic animal, for example. Also, the sticker approach has been a popular choice. Purchase a calendar and put it in a visible place on the wall. Allow your child to put a sticker on the calendar each morning after they stay in their own bed.
How long the process of change will take depends on how strong your child’s need is to be with you during the night - they may well feel that you are a much better prize than any toy you could offer - and isn’t it glorious to be loved so much?
Elizabeth is a mother of four, and author of the bestselling No-Cry Solution series on topics such as sleep, discipline, picky eating, and potty training. She is known worldwide as the voice of practical, respectful parenting. Check out her latest book available to purchase on Amazon, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns. For more information, visit elizabethpantley.com.
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