All throughout a child’s school and teen years, attachment parenting beliefs and philosophies help build the important parent-child connection through empathetic listening, support, mutually-set rules, loving discipline, child-led independence, quantity of focused and unfocused time together and most of all, mutual respect. Over 50 years of research shows that children who have their security and dependence needs fulfilled and supported early and consistently grow into emotionally healthy and independent adults.
The history of attachment parenting
Modern attachment parenting has its roots in the 1950s when John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth compiled studies on the effect of attachment between children and their primary caregivers. They were the pioneers in attachment theory, which explained the bonds developed in relationships. The results of this research, which still holds true today, show that when a child’s needs for security and emotional and physical comfort are met by a nurturing and warm parent or caregiver, they grow up to become emotionally and socially healthy adults capable of forming close, trusting, caring relationships with other people. They also become more independent because they have had their security needs filled.
What is attachment parenting?
Attachment parenting is a parenting style and philosophy of nurturing and empathically responding to a child’s needs. For example, when a child trips, scrapes their knee and begins to cry, an attachment parent might say, “That wound really hurts, doesn’t it? Here, come for a cuddle until you feel better.” Many people confuse the attachment philosophy with the tools or practices of attachment parenting, which although they may be used, many parents are unable to or choose not to use them because of familial circumstances.
The tools of attachment parenting are co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding and child-carrying. Parents with back problems will not consider baby-carrying. Many mothers choose not to breastfeed. Some parents simply can’t sleep well with a baby in their bed. They are still nurturing parents who are responsive to their children, and they find ways to meet those needs that are comfortable for both parent and child. Many parents find that the tools of attachment parenting enable them to feel closer to their children, especially during the early years when children equate love with physical proximity.
Homeschooling is also popular due to the closeness of family bonds. Can a parent who lets their baby sleep in a crib, ride in a stroller, bottle-feed, eat meat, get vaccinated, use plastic toys and go to public school be an attachment parent? Yes! If they consistently respond to their children when their children need them and are willing to be influenced by their child’s needs, then they are practicing attachment parenting. This is outlined by the eight ideals of attachment parenting. Parker and Nicholson, who spearheaded a committee that designated the eight ideals, made sure that the wording avoided exclusion and captured the true essence of attachment parenting.
The eight ideals of attachment parenting:
1. Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting. Every parent needs to be informed about the options and issues available in parenting and child development as their child grows.
2. Feed with love and respect. Feeding practices needs to encompass the best practices in nutrition (breastfeeding) and socialization (bottle-feeding).
3. Respond with sensitivity. Parents need to respond to their child’s needs with love, empathy, comfort, promptness and respect.
4. Use nurturing touch. Parents need to respond with loving, non-sexual, appropriate touch daily, and especially when their child is hurt, sick or upset.
5. Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally. Parents need to respond with empathy and respect to their child's nighttime parenting needs.
6. Provide consistent and loving care. Parents need to provide consistent love, nurturing, empathy, warmth and firm expectations of age-appropriate behavior to produce the most favorable outcome for their child.
7. Practice positive discipline. Parents need to provide respectful, non-punitive discipline and guidance that focuses on teaching and problem-solving.
8. Strive for balance in personal and family life. Parents need to provide balance in their lives and self-care so that they can be the optimal parent that also respects their own needs.
How does attachment parenting align with mainstream parenting?
Attachment parenting grows more and more close to today’s mainstream parenting style, which is promoted by most of Canada’s health organizations. For example, Canada’s national and provincial health organizations have adopted the WHO’s (World Health Organization) recommendations for mothers to breastfeed their children up to age two and beyond. Breast milk contains anti-bodies, enzymes and hormones that continue to provide benefits to children who eat table food. As well, the benefits continue for moms in that every year, breastfeeding continues the lifetime risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer is lessened. Weaning is a personal choice between mother and child. Baby-wearing is extremely fashionable right now and the sales of slings, wraps and carriers are large for both moms and dads. Most health organizations advocate a non-punitive approach to discipline as well.
Attachment parenting is not over after the toddler stage
All throughout a child’s school and teen years, attachment parenting beliefs and philosophies help build the important parent-child connection through empathetic listening, support, mutually-set rules, loving discipline, child-led independence, quantity of focused and unfocused time together and most of all, mutual respect. Over 50 years of research shows that children who have their security and dependence needs fulfilled and supported early and consistently grow into emotionally healthy and independent adults.
Judy is an international, award-winning parenting speaker and bestselling author of Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery and the DVD, Plugged-In Parenting: Connecting with the Digital Generation for Health, Safety and Love. She is also author of the new book, The Last Word on Parenting Advice. For more information, contact 403-714-6766, email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or visit www.professionalparenting.ca. Judy is also co-founder of Attachment Parenting Canada, 403-667-4557 or visit www.attachmentparenting.ca.
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