Has someone important in your child’s life passed away? As a school counselor, I have worked with many grieving children. Parents often seek guidance when a loved one has passed. Some struggle to find the words that will help their children understand.
I offer to create a memory book with the child, one that embraces the lessons I have learned through my own experiences with death. In this memory book, the child explores the S.M.I.L.E. Approach – five steps I personally use to keep my loved ones close. After all, when we lose someone we love, the best we can hope for is to be able to smile again.
The S.M.I.L.E. Approach: Share, Memories, Imagine, Love and Enjoy offer children tools to help them deal with their loss in a positive way. It also provides a spiritual framework for children to understand death, while giving them the tools they need to help them to move beyond their grief and feel happiness once again. By learning how to smile, children learn how to hold the relationship with their loved one in their hearts, so that it can continue to be a source of great comfort and love. They learn that life must go on and that they can continue to live and be happy with the knowledge that their loved one is still with them in their hearts, even though they may no longer be alive.
When children learn to S.M.I.L.E., they learn five key points:
1. Share. Share your feelings with someone you trust. Share all your feelings with the people that love you. Whatever you are feeling, express it through writing, drawing or talking to someone that you trust. And don’t be afraid to ask questions. Everything you have to say is important!
2. Memories. Remembering keeps your loved one close. Memories are also important. Look through old photographs, participate in special traditions, share stories and spend time in places that remind you of your loved one. It doesn’t matter how you remember, simply that you do!
3. Imagine. Use your imagination to create mind-magic. Imagine! Use mind magic to keep your loved one close in your heart. Imagine your loved one is with you keeping you company, just like you did when you could really be together. Feel your loved one’s spirit close to you and loving you. Your love for each other will never die.
4.. Love. Love yourself and others, too. Love and show kindness to yourself and others in every way you can. Remember the love you shared with your loved one, and allow yourself to feel it in your heart now. Practice kindness by smiling, helping others and by doing things that make you feel happy inside.
5. Enjoy your life in a new way. Keep your loved once close through your memories. Imagine your loved one is still with you, and feel all the love in your heart. Find reasons to be grateful for each and every day, and for all the good things that come your way.
Moving on after someone dies does not have to feel difficult and scary. With love in your heart, you can build your own bridge, one that connects you to your loved one. It’s my hope that everyone reaches for this, and learns to live joyfully in the memories of those they hold dear to their hearts.
Annie MacDonald, M.Ed., is the author of Poppo’s Memory Book: A Child’s Guide to Remember and S.M.I.L.E. after Loss. For more information, visit www.mypoppo.org.
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