When I was a kid, I would eat just about anything with gusto. I was always hungry at mealtime and I would devour whatever my mother put in front of me. So imagine my surprise when my daughter turned out to be just the opposite - a fussy, picky eater who always regarded unfamiliar foods with suspicion, rejecting most - if not many - of the choices placed in front of her.
What’s a happy-eater-parent to do with a picky-eater-kid? If you are the parent of a picky eater, consider using less judgment and pressure to force your child to eat what you want them to eat, and more understanding and patience in encouraging them to expand their options of what they are willing to eat.
Does this sound like an exercise in insanity? It only is, if you let it become one.
For parents of picky eaters, finding strategies to employ in the short run that help your child become a better eater in the long run is the name of the game. Try a patient, understanding approach and watch the results. Our daughter actually has a healthy appetite - thank goodness. She is just more eager to eat certain foods than others.
Casserole, soups or any other complicated recipes are scorned out of hand by this kid, who likes to know exactly what she’s eating one, separate food, at a time.
Perhaps this sounds frustrating and not at all what was acceptable in your family when you were growing up. Well, guess what? This is not your parents’ family. It’s yours.
My husband and I have learned to halt the food wars and work with Samantha to expand her palate instead. Today, at the age of 11, she eats a variety of healthy foods, is trying new foods all the time and is continually adding new foods to her diet of her own volition.
If she keeps this up, by the time Samantha leaves home for college, she’ll practically eat like I did when I was I kid. More importantly, she’ll have a healthy relationship with food and not a contentious one. As an extra bonus, she will learn how to exercise the power of choice, as it affects her person, in alignment with her own instincts - and I think that’s worth more than who wins a daily food fight.
If you are the parent of a picky eater, you may find these tips for dealing with a picky eater to be helpful:
Stick to family mealtimes. Other parents, and perhaps even your parents, will tell you that you are ruining your child’s life by “giving in” to their demands. Ignore them, banish guilt and prepare foods your child will eat at mealtime. So much of a happy mealtime comes from the attitude of the people at the table. Life is too short to turn mealtime into a battle zone. Your goal is to create a harmonious relationship with mealtime for life instead.
Honor the foods your child prefers. Instead of becoming frustrated because your child prefers fewer foods than you, put all the foods your child likes together. Can you find a healthy, well-balanced diet in there? If so, this is a great place to start. Once your child is getting their nutritional needs met, you’ll have one less thing to worry about.
Opt for the best quality food you can afford. Certain types of ‘food’ may not offer the most nutritional value. Therefore, if your child goes through a phase where they will only eat hot dogs, get the very best quality hot dogs you can find. If they eat lots of apples, make them organic, if you can afford it. Bulk shop for items you know your picky eater will consume in quantity.
Offer choices starting at a young age. While it might be tempting to only offer what you know your picky eater will consume, get in the habit of offering a tiny taste of other foods when your child is hungry, but not so hungry as to be prone to upsets. Even if most offers are rejected, trust that curiosity will catch up with your child’s appetite eventually, so long as tastes are offered in a non-pushy, non-shaming manner.
Make a date to try new foods. My husband once cajoled my daughter to expect to try a new food on her birthday. The date came, we put the food in front of her and she ate it. She knew it was coming and she just went with it. Why not try setting a date to try a new food and then making the sampling just a little ceremonious. This works well for ‘missing foods’ in your child’s diet, like proteins or vegetables. You might introduce lots of new foods this way, one at a time, over time.
Provide balanced choices. Chances are good that there are certain food groups your child would skip altogether if you let them. Don’t let them. Tell your child that they can have the ripe, juicy watermelon they really want after they eat the hot dog or pasta with grated cheese they are not as interested in. Go ahead and cut the watermelon and put it in sight. This should be motivation enough.
Grow your own food. If you can possibly have your child help you grow food outdoors, this may open food-choice doors. Be sure to plant foods you know your picky eater will enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you begin plants from seed or buy starts at your local garden supply. Sharon Lovejoy writes wonderful illustrated gardening books that are sure to delight kids and adults alike.
Watch out for carbs, sugar and junk food. My daughter would eat pasta all day if I let her. As soon as I noticed her mounting enthusiasm for carbs, I started offering her protein first, then veggies, then pasta and finally fruit to make sure her diet stays balanced. If your child is overly enthusiastic for sugar, try adding more fruit choices as snacks. Dried fruit is remarkably sweet. If junk food is a problem, go to your local whole food store and opt for the healthy snack foods, in measured quantities, instead.
Don’t take any flack. There are plenty of parents out there who have no tolerance for or interest in your child’s eating habits. Don’t try their patience by asking for special treatment for your child when they are a guest in other people’s homes. Just send along prepared snacks or meals in a lunchbox like you would do for school. If you keep the focus on a fun time rather than what your child eats and does not eat, the other parent will get the message that you are not seeking approval, whether they approve or not.
Let another parent or family member with patience offer new foods. Amiably make other adults aware that you are in charge of your child’s eating habits and they needn’t concern themselves with them. On the other hand, if you know any tolerant parents whom your child is inclined to listen to, have them offer your child some new foods they already eat at mealtime. My daughter started eating broccoli and chicken at our family friend’s house before she was ever interested in these items at home.
Expose your child to visual variety. Spark your child’s interest in food in general by checking out over-sized cookbooks from your local library. Leave them lying around on the coffee table or look at the pictures together. This is a great way to spark your child’s imagination about food and create curiosity about how to prepare foods. Tell your child you’ll be happy to try some simple recipes, so long as they are willing to taste the results.
Consider the upside of picky eating. As an unexpected upside of picky eating, Samantha prefers fresh fruit and water over other more sugary choices. She is also extra-loyal to the healthy foods she loves. So I never worry that she is only eating healthy foods because I make her and will stop eating them once she grows up and leaves home. My daughter loves wholesome, healthy foods in their simplest forms. I could stand to take a lesson or two from her in this department.
Here is the bottom line: I am not a perfect parent, and my daughter is not a perfect kid. I have an adventurous palate, and she has a picky palate. By working together, we can still create a happy, healthy home, where, these days, my daughter is inclined to step up and serve us a simple, wholesome dinner her way.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Help kids work up an appetite! Your picky eater needs lots of fresh air and exercise to work up an appetite. Outdoor pets, like dogs, can be good active playmates for a picky eater. Weather permitting, sandboxes, swings, scooters and bikes will lure your child outside to channel their energy in healthy ways that will make mealtimes more cheerfully anticipated. Encourage games like Red Rover, Red-Light Green-Light, Freeze Tag or just take a pre-dinner walk.
Break out ingredients from complex recipes. Picky eaters may not like casseroles because they can’t tell what’s in there. So, when you are preparing a one-dish meal, leave out a portion of each primary ingredient for your picky eater. Chances are good that they like many of the ingredients, but prefers not to eat them all squished together. Offer a taste at mealtime anyway, and don’t be too surprised if they bite.
Christina loves International cuisine; the more flavors, the better. Her daughter, on the other hand, will just take the rice or the noodles or maybe a good old-fashioned hamburger and fries instead. Her latest book is Permission Granted, 45 Reasons To Micro-publish.
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