How does that saying go? “It takes a village to raise a child.” Remember how easy it was to make friends when you were younger? Asking your neighbor to come out and play or joining a game of soccer at recess – it seemed so simple. While we still recover from the global pandemic, our social circles have become much smaller, and for some parents, they have become non-existent.
When we have a community of meaningful friendships, our jobs as parents can be much more fulfilling. We were never meant to do this job alone, and although it may not be as easy as when you were a child, there are still plenty of ways that you can put yourself out there and connect with other parents in the community.
Vulnerability and honesty
Parenting is a tough job. Everyone is working on raising a family that is kind, empathetic, confident, and curious, all while taking care of themselves, managing a household, and for some, working outside of the home. When connecting and looking for other parents to befriend, there is a certain vulnerability and honesty we need to embrace.
Social media, special interest groups, and local parent groups are embracing the imperfections and messiness of parenthood, which leaves space for us to share our own struggles and experiences. By sharing with others, we can open the door for them to connect, empathize, validate, and build relationships. Below we discuss some of the different avenues for seeking out parent friends. As you explore these options, we encourage you to engage from a place of honesty, vulnerability and openness.
Social media
Good old social media. An easy way to reach out from the comfort of your home and into the lives of others! From seeing the activities people are doing and the experiences they are living, to the food they are making – the wonderful thing about social media is you can find any niche interest group you are looking for.
Are you a parent in Calgary? Join a local parenting group. Looking for ways to better utilize screen time in your house? Yup, there are parents out there talking about that. Parent friendships can be built with group members all over the world, and although your ‘get togethers’ may look a little more digital, these relationships can fulfill our need to feel connected, inspired, heard and validated. Plus, by engaging in special interest or hobby groups, you can expand your relationships to be based on some of your own interests, which in itself is a wonderful form of self-care as a parent.
School or daycare
You know that parent who shows up at pick-up every day at the same time as you? Maybe it’s time to move past the cordial smile and head nod, and strike up a conversation! Ask the teachers in your child’s classroom or daycare to keep an eye out for another child your child connects with, then offer to share your contact information with that parent. Most of the time parents are just standing around waiting for their child anyway, so why not open the dialogue with a classic “yikes it’s cold out today!” or, “I wonder what’s taking so long for the kids to come out?”
Remember, not every connection with every parent will be a winning combination, but it never hurts to engage in a conversation or try a fun playdate with a new parent and child – especially one your child is already familiar with. If witty playground chit-chat isn’t your style, look into volunteering at your child’s school. You could sign up to run a canned food drive, volunteer for a field trip, or help out in the library. There are often other parent volunteers milling about, and these can be great opportunities to become a part of the school community while building friendships along the way. Reach out to your child’s teacher or front office to see if their school has any positions for eager parent volunteers.
Local parenting groups
There are a lot of amazing programs being run by a number of great organizations within the city. Check out offerings at your local library, organizations like Families Matter or PACT, register for local parent and tot swim classes if you have a younger child, or drop in at a play group in your community center. These groups not only offer opportunities for friendship but you also may learn some tips and tricks, parenting strategies, new songs and more!
Let the kids do the talking
If you are at a local playground or play place, let your kid lead the conversation. Kids are great at breaking the ice with other children, and once they are chatting and playing together, you can wander over to their parent and strike up a conversation. Make a joke, make a comment about the kids, and just find an easy way to break the ice. If you are at a playground or play place in your neighborhood, you might be able to find some new friends on your own home turf!
We know that making friends as an adult and parent may feel like an extremely awkward dating game, but we promise other parents are out there noticing you too and wondering how to break the ice. Offer up a compliment, throw out a joke, chuckle as you watch your kids interacting with each other. We are all just looking for people to add to our villages, and while it might take a little time and effort (and maybe a few failed attempts), there are other parents out there who might be just the friend, support and parenting partner in crime you were looking for!
Ashlee and Lisa are child psychologists who created KidsConnect Psychology as a place for children and families to access tools, supports and therapy. Check out their website for digital downloads, parenting tool kits, information about the parent counselling, school consultations, daycare consultations and more! kidsconnectpsychology.com. Follow them on Facebook and Instagram at @KidsConnectPsychology.
See our related articles:
Calgary’s Child Magazine © 2024 Calgary’s Child
