Sharing a bedroom with a sibling can be filled with silly moments, fun games, and a safe space to express themselves to one another. Children can learn some great prosocial skills like how to share, compromise, and communicate their feelings. But, with all that closeness, we will inevitably see conflict between siblings, especially when it comes to their personal items. It’s important to have clear boundaries so both children feel respected and comfortable in their space. Here are some practical strategies to help create a more peaceful living arrangement while maintaining boundaries more effectively.
Keep storage options simple. Don’t go crazy with the intricate storage solutions. Think about your children. What will be the easiest way for them to tidy and keep things organized? Think open baskets, simple drawers, cube shelves, organizers on the backs of doors and other easy-to-reach options. Fiddly organization will most likely not get used and leave both you and the siblings who are sharing the space feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.
Creative labeling. Make cleaning up and maintaining one’s own space a breeze. Think about how you and your kids want the space organized. If having items organized by type is important, make labels with pictures or words of what belongs in the box. For example, Barbies, cars, dinosaurs, etc. Use real pictures or clipart to show what belongs. If having spaces for each child to store their individual things is more important, label bins with individual names or the child’s pictures. Then their own individual belongings are in their own boxes, and they can mix and match as they please.
Make a special shelf. Give each child a special shelf big enough for a couple of special items. These are things that are off-limits to siblings and their curious fingers. Give each child the same amount of space and sit down to explain the rules. This is where unfinished Lego creations can sit without fear of being smashed, special stuffies can sit, or a precious rock or feather can be placed proudly.
Talk about respect for other people’s belongings and talk about what feelings you have if your special things are touched or moved. Use language that fits your child’s development and keep having these conversations. These are important foundational conversations to have with your children to help them understand respecting space, property, and the feelings of others.
Support open communication and problem-solving. Despite all the best pep talks, organizational options, and boundary-respecting coaching, things will go sideways. People will touch things that aren’t theirs, someone’s blanket will be found on someone else’s bed, or one room inhabitant will inevitably be messier than their tidier roommate.
Encourage your children to express their feelings and any concerns they may have. Teach them to use “I” statements, like, “I feel upset when…” instead of, “You always…” to express their feelings without blaming their siblings.
Problem-solving is another great foundational life lesson for kids. It is best done when tempers are calm and they are better able to handle conflicts independently. Encourage them to find their own solutions to disagreements by discussing their feelings, needs, and finding compromises that work for everyone. For example, if they are constantly arguing over items that they don’t want the other person touching, you can ask, “What should we try doing to solve this problem next time it happens? What is something we could all do differently to make this better?” This can be done with several ages, but adjust your language accordingly.
Problem-solving with preschoolers is going to be more simplistic and supported by adults than a problem-solving session with elementary kids or preteens. But the intent remains the same: we have something to solve as a family, and we can all work together to find solutions.
Acknowledge and hold space. Honestly, at some point, all siblings are annoying. Siblings can try out things on each other that they wouldn’t dare do to their friends, and the fallout can be a lot to manage. Take the time to listen to frustrations, wipe tears, and offer comfort. Have regular family nights where everyone has a chance to connect positively over a board game, yummy pizza, or a fun movie. Find times to build on positive interactions so that the negative ones don’t feel so overwhelming.
Having limits and boundaries between children sharing a bedroom is essential for maintaining peace and harmony. By creating labels, simplifying storage options, and encouraging open communication and problem-solving, you can help your children learn to coexist in a shared space. With a little patience and consistency, these tips can help create a positive relationship between siblings while teaching them important skills that will help them as they grow and mature into adults.
Ashlee and Lisa are child psychologists who created KidsConnect Psychology as a place for children and families to access tools, supports and therapy. Check out our website for digital downloads, parenting tool kits, information about our parent counselling, school consultations, daycare consultations and more! kidsconnectpsychology.com. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at KidsConnect Psychology.
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