Was it easier to parent in the ‘90s than it is now? Well, for starters, we could buy a house without selling our firstborns. We communicated over the back fence and at the park while keeping a watchful eye on our kids. ‘Mobile phones’ were just landline phones attached to the wall with ridiculously long, curly cords - if you could talk and reach the stove to prepare dinner at the same time, life was good!
Teaching your kids to have goals, do their best, and leverage personal momentum to succeed are all good ideas. However, there is a difference between supporting a child’s efforts to reach their goals and taking control of the results you deem the best possible outcomes. Parents who habitually steamroll their kids rob them of personal experience on multiple levels. When parents over-step, kids can lose their point of view; their self-esteem may go down; they may feel confused, anxious, or depressed; and they may focus too much on pleasing their parents instead of honoring their own desires.
In the 1960s, Transaction Analysis (TA) theory, based on the work of Psychiatrist Dr. Eric Berne, was popular. Berne simplified and made available to the ordinary person the work of Sigmund Freud. One of Berne’s prodigies, Dr. Stephen Karpman, developed the drama triangle, a tool that took TA from a theory to practical application. The model describes three unconscious and habitual behavioral habits or roles which people often play out or enact in their relationships. It helps you to move out of relationship drama by no longer enacting the roles of victim, attacker, or rescuer.
We all come to parenthood with a certain set of expectations and assumptions about raising kids. Naturally, we assume our partner will share our healthy outlook. That is, until we find ourselves butting heads in the midst of a heated child-rearing dilemma.How do we navigate a parenting style conflict without confusing our kids and harming our relationship with our partner?
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