Humans are wired for social connection. This is especially true for our kids when they start school. Developmentally, most kids become less egocentric and start paying attention to what other peers do, think or feel as early as ages five to six. You may start to hear statements like: “Jessie said that no one likes dinosaurs anymore so I don’t like dinosaurs anymore,” “I’m sad because Ali said I’m rude and she doesn’t want to play with me anymore,” “Mo has ‘Air Jordan’ shoes so I want to have those shoes too.” These statements can be frustrating because it may seem that your child’s peers have a bigger impact on their thoughts and decisions than you do! Just know that this is very developmentally appropriate and that this level of social awareness is a significant milestone in the development of social skills.
I recently heard Dr. Laura Markham say, “parents set the weather in their home.”
It stopped me in my tracks.
I was sitting on the first row of wooden bleachers in the small elementary school gym. It was 9am on a Saturday morning and my fifth-grade daughter, Gabriela (my oldest), was standing on the volleyball court about to play the first game of the season with her school team. It was her first volleyball game ever, and the first competitive athletic event of her life.
I had a knot in my stomach. “Is she going to get her serves over the net?” “Is she going to shank the first ball that comes to her?” “Is she going to feel humiliated when she makes a mistake in front of all of these people?”
When families restructure (separate, divorce) there are many changes for everyone involved. Whenever possible, it’s important that kids are permitted to maintain a loving relationship with both parents.
As child(ren) go between both homes, it’s easy to slide down a slippery slope of getting the kids to do these three examples of adults’ heavy lifting:
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