A five-year-old stands, arms folded across her chest, in the centre of the living room. It’s 8:30pm and she’s been told that it’s time to turn the television off and get ready for bed. “You’re not the boss of me,” she responds indignantly.
The Collins English Dictionary defines a house as a “dwelling,” which is a mere structure of a building. A home, on the other hand, is defined as “the place where one lives.” Home is the castle to some and hopefully a haven of safety and love to all family members.
Chloe has many friends. She is 13 years old. Making and keeping a friend was never a problem for her. The phone is ringing at home and her mother is the ‘driver’ around town. Weekends are packed with playdates at home, with many slumber parties happening. Being invited to birthday parties is a weekly event. Chloe’s mother, Julia, is glad that her daughter has many friends.
It’s no secret that kids need encouragement to thrive. But what exactly does encouragement sound like? It’s different than praise or admiration or guidance. It is common to want to give evaluative feedback to kids for their work (“Good coloring!”) or to tell them what we like about their accomplishments (“I like how you set the table”) or what we expect of their behavior (“You need to try your best at school today”). Though these kinds of responses are well meaning, they teach kids to rely on our evaluations rather than to learn to form their own judgments about behavior.
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